The last days of the calendar year, give me a sense of relief. As much as I like the excitement, anticipation and the preparation of the holiday season, I sorely miss my routines and the schedules I keep. By the time Christmas Eve is upon me, I’m feeling a little lost and wrung out.
This is also a time of reflection and planning for me. No, I’m not talking about resolutions per se. I don’t make a list of goals or set up any of my routines to fit a new habit I want to involve. Instead, my thoughts turn to how I feel about my environment, my life and myself.
I’m not one of those people who dwell on what I could have done differently in the past. I don’t see the point in doing that. I would say that in 95% of the circumstances where I’ve made a decision that didn’t turn out well, chances are that I would still have done things the way I did. In short – what I do, I do with purpose.
I ask myself questions that need answers with a comprehensibility that is truly for me. Of course anyone else can answer them too, but even if the answers are the same (which doesn’t always happen), what that answer means for you is going to be different from what it is for me. In some cases, the questions are different too.
- Are you content with where you are right now? Why? or Why not?
- Is there something you think about changing in your environment? Why? or Why not?
- Do you like your life? Why? or Why not?
- Is there something you think about changing in your life? Why? or Why not?
- Are you content with who you are?
- Is there something you think about changing about yourself? Why? or Why not?
I can come up with answers to these questions within minutes, but the point of answering them is to make me actually contemplate about what I want out of all this that we humans call life.
- Yes, I am content where I am right now. Although where I live physical isn’t exactly where I want to live, my neighborhood has some great people in it. I think this is only the second time I’ve been happy with the house I live in. Of course, this question doesn’t just ask about where I live. It’s asking about where I am in my life. Yes, I’m content with that too. I’ve loved being every age thus far. Each year has brought on new excitement, new experiences, new challenges, and new perceptions. The same can be said of right now.
- If I could have my environment exactly the way I want it, some upgrades to this house would be done that would be more helpful for my disability. I’m hoping that some of the things I want changed are going to happen in this next year. However, I’m not holding my breath.
- Yes, I do like my life. So far, it’s been quite a ride. It hasn’t always been pleasant, of course. Becoming disabled, and being abused in both my childhood and when I was a young mother, are not instances I want to remember. Still, the lessons I learned are phenomenal. I like who I am now because I went through those times.
- No, I wouldn’t change a thing in my life. As I said earlier in this post (third paragraph), I believe that whatever I do, I do with a purpose in mind. Although things may not turn out the way I had planned, I do give it my best shot.
- No, I’m not content with who I am all the time. There’s always room, a lot of room in fact, for improvement. At this point, right now in my life, I’m learning how to be content with the imperfections I have that I have done battle with for so long. I need to stop fighting with myself.
- The one thing I would change in me would to somehow become instantly wiser. You see, I have what I call ‘foot-in-mouth’ disease. Have you heard of this? It’s where you speak what first come into your head, whether it be the truth or a lie (usually a truth), and then wish with all your heart that you had never said it. If I was wiser, I would automatically shut my mouth when I shouldn’t be saying anything.
As you can see, it’s far from being resolutions of any sort. Yet, the answers give me a point of reference to help me continue on the path I have chosen to follow.
About feeling lost and wrung out:
Some people thoroughly enjoy the holiday season. They are so happy that the humdrum of life has been changed, if only for a short time. They’re out there amongst the crowds at the malls and the shopping centers with contented smiles on their faces, searching for those perfect gifts they just know that they are going to find. You will probably see them at many of the parties having a rip-roaring time.
Other people have some mixed feelings about the festivities at this time of year. I would guess most of them would rather not even get close to any of the stores. They do it begrudgingly because, after all, it’s part of the tradition. These people love this opportunity to connect with friends and family that somehow get left in the dust during the rest of the year. You may find these people in the kitchen baking cookies and their special fruitcakes.
Then there are the people like me. You may be one of them too. As much as we like all of the lights, decorations and goodies to nibble on, we anxiously wait for the entire hullabaloo to be over. The holiday season puts us on edge, sometimes to the point of panic attacks or serious depression. The feeling of being overwhelmed can hit us before the big day. By the time ‘the day after’ comes, we’re feeling lost and wrung out looking for a glimmer of soft light.
The world starts to brighten up and seem even a little cheery on ‘the day after’, causing us to heave a big giant sigh of relieve.
What category do you fall into during the holiday season?
- Overcoming the “Holiday Brain” at Work (listeningtoothers.com)