There’s a place online where writers can go when they’re feeling hopeless and insecure. It’s the Insecure Writer’s Support Group. On the first Wednesday of each month, members are encouraged to share their uncertainties and apprehensions. I thought this might be a place and way for me to get some negative thoughts out of my head and into the virtual trash can.
I have a writing buddy and I believe we’re getting along famously. We email each other often. Still, despite the terrific support she pours out to me, I’m still quite timid about my ‘serious’ writing. This could stem from how I was brought up. My parents never ever helped my brother or me with homework. It was solely our responsibility to get it done. If we had problems with it, it was up to us to ask for help from the teacher.
I’m sure, to some of you, this seems cruel. Or you may be wondering if my parents were intelligent. I’ll let you judge for yourself. Both my brother and I were in the top fourth of our class; my brother was really in the top sixth. I’m not an academic as he is. My parents also got good grades in school and went to college. Unfortunately, because of economics, both quit college to go to work full-time. Time got away from them as it does with most, so their education was never completed.
Why am I so timid? My self confidence is in the minuses despite what I just said about my grades. It took some effort to write that about myself. I probably should have a health opinion of myself, but I don’t.
I was always an A student in English. I got A+s in my creative writing class in high school. I received A+s on my term papers and reports for college. I’ve been told right to my face that I have what it takes to write fiction.
I’m doubting this. Oh boy, am I doubting this. I read what I’ve written and want to run to the bathroom to retch. The words on the pages never read the way I have them in my head. It’s deplorable.
I can’t imagine that I’m the only one who feels this way. After all, from what I’ve read, many writers are introverted like me, and have confidence issues, again like me. How do these writers cope? How do they pull themselves through those cobwebs of skepticism that clutter the mind?
I know that all of us have our crosses to bear. I’m hoping that some of the other members of IWSG can help me bear mine.