There’s a place online where writers can go when they’re feeling hopeless and insecure. It’s the Insecure Writer’s Support Group. On the first Wednesday of each month, members are encouraged to share their uncertainties and apprehensions. I thought this might be a place and way for me to get some negative thoughts out of my head and into the virtual trash can.
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Jason Samfield @ https://www.flickr.com/photos/jason-samfield/
I have a writing buddy and I believe we’re getting along famously. We email each other often. Still, despite the terrific support she pours out to me, I’m still quite timid about my ‘serious’ writing. This could stem from how I was brought up. My parents never ever helped my brother or me with homework. It was solely our responsibility to get it done. If we had problems with it, it was up to us to ask for help from the teacher.
I’m sure, to some of you, this seems cruel. Or you may be wondering if my parents were intelligent. I’ll let you judge for yourself. Both my brother and I were in the top fourth of our class; my brother was really in the top sixth. I’m not an academic as he is. My parents also got good grades in school and went to college. Unfortunately, because of economics, both quit college to go to work full-time. Time got away from them as it does with most, so their education was never completed.
Why am I so timid? My self confidence is in the minuses despite what I just said about my grades. It took some effort to write that about myself. I probably should have a health opinion of myself, but I don’t.
I was always an A student in English. I got A+s in my creative writing class in high school. I received A+s on my term papers and reports for college. I’ve been told right to my face that I have what it takes to write fiction.
I’m doubting this. Oh boy, am I doubting this. I read what I’ve written and want to run to the bathroom to retch. The words on the pages never read the way I have them in my head. It’s deplorable.
I can’t imagine that I’m the only one who feels this way. After all, from what I’ve read, many writers are introverted like me, and have confidence issues, again like me. How do these writers cope? How do they pull themselves through those cobwebs of skepticism that clutter the mind?
I know that all of us have our crosses to bear. I’m hoping that some of the other members of IWSG can help me bear mine.
A Scripted Maze 
I understand the feeling. There are times I read what I’ve written and I either laugh out loud or want to cry. But that’s how the support team helps. Beta readers and your editor will help you get the words right.
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I have a couple of beta readers lined up and will be looking for more as I struggle through this stupid 1st draft.
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Each time I write something, it’s like the first time. I don’t find it gets easier–it sort of does, but it doesn’t. When I send something out, I’m sick for days. I believe Im growing an ulcer.
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I know what you mean by it does get easier but it doesn’t. We get into a mode of “here I go again”, thinking once again, “it’s going to be just as bad.” To tell you the truth, I don’t think I’ll have a problem once it’s in mail. I’ve done that before. Sometimes I get it returned or a letter saying it’s wrong for them. A couple of times, I got an accepted letter. Either way, once it was out of my hands, I could put it on a back shelf in my mind.
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Congratulations. You’ve never shared that before. Wonderful! Outstanding. Woo Hoo. Party time!
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I know so many writers who feel the same way. I don’t think publishing exorcises that demon. Maybe publishing ten times does. Once–could be a fluke. Twice–another fluke. Three times–getting to be a trend.
BTW, While I’ve published lots of non-fic, nothing fic. Still waiting. And worrying. Join the crowd!
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It’s so strange how knowing that I’m not alone with my anxiety can help me feel better. Maybe it’s a case of knowing that I’m not so odd after all. 😛
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Maybe the good writers are the ones with the least confidence. I usually find first drafts sound worse than they are. It might help to leave some space between writing and reviewing
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I usually leave at least 4 hours in between my draft and edit in hopes that I catch all of my errors. Of course, this is what I do with my post for my blog. My writing projects are another thing. I’ll go for weeks sometimes without going back to read. Maybe it’s that writing is so subjective in nature.
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This post really spoke to me. I will write something and think it is absolutely wonderful. The next day, when I go back to it, I am beset with doubt about the story and myself as a writer. Nice to know I’m not alone… 🙂
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It’s odd how knowing that you’re not alone with your misgivings can help so much.
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Agree!
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I’m a total introvert too, but the best thing I ever did for my writing as to take a whole bunch of writing workshops in college. I also found a great group in Charlotte, but Boise is not as active that way. Opening one’s self up to criticism is very hard, but also very necessary. Getting honest feedback and learning how to discern levels of criticism makes for a better writer in the end. That’s not to say I still don’t think everything I write sucks 😉 Which just goes to show why I make sure to get feedback from as many people as possible.
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Jeri, I certainly want the honest feedback, although I must admit that I take my punches better with tact. Usually, people want to help me. I just have problems asking and accepting it. I keep on wanting to do it all by myself without anyone’s help. How can I ever learn this way? Of course, in the field of writing, I can’t. As I get more feedback (hopefully), I’ll learn to stop putting up the high fens=ces.
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