I’ve let things get in the way. I’ve let myself be distracted. I haven’t put in 100% to my writing; and I hate admitting it. I hate this feeling and want so much to rid myself of it. Becoming wishy-washy isn’t my normal style. I’m a Virgo, for God’s sake. That means perfection rules.
Sure, the answer is easy. Just stop letting these things happen. It’s a little easier said than done though. It’s like trying to go on a diet. Your motivation is there. You have a plan you feel confident with. You have your support. Yet, you find yourself having those cookies or potato chips. You try again. You may get further with your goal, but there’s that day from hell and you must have that candy bar. Believe me, getting into a regular routine of writing is the same.
I’m still plodding along, but I’m not making the progress that I know I can reach. I feel like whipping my own back until it bleeds so I’ll learn to stick to my intentions. No, I won’t be flogging myself, but there are days when it get tempting.
Sure, I could give you some outstanding excuses for letting myself be inattentive to my writing habits, but that’s all they are, excuses. I say I can’t find a time to write when I won’t be bothered. Maybe during the course of normal hours this is true, but how about all those other hours? I’m a housewife. I could stay up late or get up early to write. I use the excuse of having some digestive problems. This isn’t a reason not to write. It’s a reason to watch what food I’m putting in my body and, maybe, going to the doctor. I’m not doubling over in pain. There’s just times when my stomach decides to be in a few knots. Bottom line is excuses don’t cut it for me.
There could be an underlying problem that is making me behave this way, although it still is an excuse. Lately I’ve been hating everything I write. I am a boring writer. Everything I write is drab and lifeless. All this means though is that I need to focus more, stop being in a big fat hurry while I’m writing, and stop being so meticulous about stupid sentence structure.
The animosity and impatience in me must come to an end. How else am I going to continue with what I love to do? If I could walk more that a ranch-style house length without leg or foot problems, I’d go power-walk this out. If I could stay afloat like I used to before the disability, I’d find a place to lap it out. I guess I could try mat exercises. I’m not too sure it would work though.
I’ll figure out what to do to get my butt in gear eventually. I just hope that it happens soon.