Raging Mad

 

Raging Mad
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Agata @ https://www.flickr.com/photos/eggii/

I’ve let things get in the way. I’ve let myself be distracted. I haven’t put in 100% to my writing; and I hate admitting it. I hate this feeling and want so much to rid myself of it. Becoming wishy-washy isn’t my normal style. I’m a Virgo, for God’s sake. That means perfection rules.

Sure, the answer is easy. Just stop letting these things happen. It’s a little easier said than done though. It’s like trying to go on a diet. Your motivation is there. You have a plan you feel confident with. You have your support. Yet, you find yourself having those cookies or potato chips. You try again. You may get further with your goal, but there’s that day from hell and you must have that candy bar. Believe me, getting into a regular routine of writing is the same.

I’m still plodding along, but I’m not making the progress that I know I can reach. I feel like whipping my own back until it bleeds so I’ll learn to stick to my intentions. No, I won’t be flogging myself, but there are days when it get tempting.

Sure, I could give you some outstanding excuses for letting myself be inattentive to my writing habits, but that’s all they are, excuses. I say I can’t find a time to write when I won’t be bothered. Maybe during the course of normal hours this is true, but how about all those other hours? I’m a housewife. I could stay up late or get up early to write. I use the excuse of having some digestive problems. This isn’t a reason not to write. It’s a reason to watch what food I’m putting in my body and, maybe, going to the doctor. I’m not doubling over in pain. There’s just times when my stomach decides to be in a few knots. Bottom line is excuses don’t cut it for me.

There could be an underlying problem that is making me behave this way, although it still is an excuse. Lately I’ve been hating everything I write. I am a boring writer. Everything I write is drab and lifeless. All this means though is that I need to focus more, stop being in a big fat hurry while I’m writing, and stop being so meticulous about stupid sentence structure.

The animosity and impatience in me must come to an end. How else am I going to continue with what I love to do? If I could walk more that a ranch-style house length without leg or foot problems, I’d go power-walk this out. If I could stay afloat like I used to before the disability, I’d find a place to lap it out. I guess I could try mat exercises. I’m not too sure it would work though.

I’ll figure out what to do to get my butt in gear eventually. I just hope that it happens soon.

 

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12 Replies to “Raging Mad”

  1. I’m going through the ‘I’m boring’ also. I just rewrote the entire beginning of my book, which I thought was perfect until it wasn’t. Yikes!

    BTW, the way I got time for my writing was having my husband take over the cleaning, laundry, food prep, yard work–you get the idea. All I do is write and that sort of stuff. He’s an angel.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Jacqui, my husband and cleaning? You must be kidding! I was raised in a house of neat freaks. All of us, including my father, knew where the trash can was, where the laundry hamper was, folded our own laundry, and had cleaning chores around the house. My mother didn’t want my brother or I cooking meals though. I don’t know why. However, my father cooked meals and he wasn’t bad at it. My husband isn’t like anything during my upbringing. That is except for he is a better cook than I am. He doesn’t know what cleaning up the kitchen is though. :/

      Despite his messiness, he is a dear and I love him forever. ❤

      Like

      1. I did a lot of that, believe me. Retirement gave me a different perspective. I used to embarrass myself picking a thread off the carpet while entertaining company. That was then. This is now. I’d rather concentrate on me now…and my kitties. 😀 Yes, of course my family as well, but they can take care of my grand kids. They’re grown ups now. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

          1. Life changes in all manner, doesn’t it. I learned it’s no use beating myself up about it. Make time, Glynis. Cut corners. You don’t have to have a messy house to do it, just make some adjustments you’re comfortable with to get to the work. ❤ ❤

            Liked by 1 person

  2. I can hear… feel… that frustration, Glynis… now that doesn’t seem like a boring writer to me. I think self-criticism is good but it’s better when we learn from it rather than use it to whip our backs. Hope you feel a bit better

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Cat, you are sweet. I’m boring, believe me. I can’t imagine anyone reading a whole novel that I would write. I need more practice and training in all areas of the craft.

      Despite all the negativeness poured out in this post, because of readers like you and the others who have commented, I do feel encouraged and am willing to go back into battle. 😛

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I suffer from the same fear of boring people. When we write, read, edit, read…. there’s always a danger of over editing and because our brain is numb in the process, I think the piece of writing can sound boring to us. Maybe what makes a good writer is the self-criticism, but try not to beat yourself up with it 😉

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Writing after Hubby goes to bed is working so far except I’m only getting 1 1/2 hours of writing in instead of 2 1/2 hours. Still, it’s better than 15 minutes or none at all. Next week things may be settling down again, which will be a big help. 🙂

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