Dissension and Relationships

Image provided by Alex Sar
https://www.flickr.com/photos/124787396@N03/

A disagreement can break the bonds of an otherwise congenial relationship. Is the subject of debate that earnest? Are the words voiced so callous and bitter? Is the bias of one or both that contrasting? Yes, the topic can be that grave. One or both can utter words that knowingly or unknowingly devastate the other. Although the relationship may have been amiable for years, the natural change that all life is inflicted with can turn an exceptional rapport all out of alignment.

Some subjects are so controversial, I ruminate over the thought if they should even be discussed at all. Indeed, I’m well aware that there must be debates on issues that effect groups at large, and that this fact nils my muse of no spoken or written dissensions. Still, most of us within the world’s population usually don’t know enough about the facts of the matter, and don’t have an unyielding desire to search endlessly for those facts. What brought this to mind was an article I merely scanned online about the presidential debates that have recently started. Even if the general public reads the transcripts or listens to the entirety of these contentions, chances are there still isn’t enough known to argue the points made with any clarity. The concepts are bound to get distorted, which, as expected, will lead to misunderstanding, the core of many splits in relationships.

Do I spend enough time calculating my words when discussing a topic of controversy? I was brought up to speak my mind, with tact certainly, but straightforward just the same. There have been times when I’ve held back, knowing that my words would be hurtful and the point to make wasn’t of great value anyway. In recent times though, I’ve discovered that many people have become so delicate, I’ve had to clamp my mouth shut on so many discussions I used to feel I had liberty with in the past. It could be I’ve taken too much for granted. Who I’ve thought to be friends, and therefore understanding about my character, may be no more than acquaintances who I’ve assumed too many familiarities. I’ve been reading the classics lately, which has me pondering on general behavior. Throughout the ones written before the nineteen fifties that I’ve acquired, the characters don’t talk as freely with others, even within their own families. There may be a strong probability that I have misplaced my civilities.

When there is an issue full of opposing theories, should people of close relations even attempt to talk about it and weigh the different aspects of the subject? My father was a republican in the arena of politics. My mother is a democrat. I can only remember one election where they became altogether passionate about their respective candidates. That was the election between Kennedy and Nixon in nineteen sixty. There weren’t any fights, but there were a couple of arguments that get heated. From that time on, they decided to not talk with each other about any political issues and just vote according to their consciences. Maybe some of us, including me, have become too forthright in communicating to the point of becoming abrupt, and maybe even crude without realizing it. Moreover, there are those times when I, without any qualm, have used cutting words when feeling threatened unnecessarily. At those times, why I didn’t take better assessment of the situation is beyond my ability to figure out somehow.

The world is changing. Of course, it always has. Even so, in recent years, the changes have become more pronounced. We have the means to communicate at any time with anybody. Yet I find so many have so little worthwhile to say. Sure, we believe that what we convey is of the utmost importance, at least to ourselves. However, within minutes of expressing ourselves, we’ve dismissed the topic completely and have gone on to something else. Do we stop to contemplate our feeling and actions adequately?

Have we become a society of characterless beings? Do we try to prove our merit when it’s so minimal that it can be overlooked so easily? Is this a rationalization for the breakdown of relationships due to dissension?

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My opinions in this essay are my own, and are not  intended to encourage or provoke the views of others. Most is of questions I feel should be reflected on with solemnity. Notwithstanding, your comments and views are welcomed.

“We can never establish with certainty what part of our relations with others is the result of our emotions — love, antipathy, charity, or malice — and what part is predetermined by the constant power play among individuals.” — Milan Kundera