I’ve been bombarded with adversity lately. No matter what I do, how I do it, or when I do it, I’m confronted with a wall of stones, debris, and sticky stuff I can only describe as tar. I’m stuck into the revolving door of tribulation. I’m certain I’ve not the only one going through something like this; there must be thousands feeling the anguish and torment of defeat and oppression over and over again.
Has there ever been a time in your life when you find yourself reluctant to get out of bed in the morning? I’m not referring to those off days when something is planned where you don’t want to participate. For instance, I have a dentist appointment coming up. I hate the dentist visits. I’m sure I won’t want to get out of bed that day. But getting back to this question, I’m talking about those large chunks of time, weeks or months, when you wake up wishing you were still in that state of nothingness or dreams so that you would have to face the day, no matter how positive it may prove to be.
I’m pretty sure a doctor would say this is a sign of some form of clinical depression. However, I’m not the depressing type. Really! I’m the one who sees a problem and wants to correct it, rectify it, fix it, whatever it takes so I can get on with my life. Wallowing isn’t my thing.
If you have gone through this type of gloom, do you have any idea as to when it started, when that one small incident happened that was the flake of snow that turned into a humongous snowball rolling out of control? Do you know what that event was? I believe I know when it happened to me. It was approximately seven years ago, maybe slightly less. I could feel that the situation was wrong. I kept questioning the validness of it in my mind. I hesitated to go along with it.
Obviously, I made a wrong decision. Some may point out I didn’t have any way of knowing what the outcome would be. Okay, I didn’t know for sure. Still, all my intuitive instincts were on alert, and I chose to ignore them.
Some may ask if I was conned into the situation. The person who had proposed the action isn’t a fault. She made sure to tell me she was giving me the suggestion with the understanding that it was my choice to make and whatever I decided would not reflect on our business rapport. When I was introduced to the circumstances I’d be partaking in, my intuition was flapping its arms all over the place, yet I disregarded all the misgivings I was feeling.
Now, that episode has been over for quite some time. It did leave its mark on me though. I became fearful of making decisions. It didn’t happen all at once, mind you. I’d determine a course of action on something and it would turn out different and wrong from what I thought would be. I’d make another choice and it just wouldn’t happen at all.
This cycle of adversity has gone on since that one event. I’m tired.
Is this lack of motivation and confidence, and abundance of weariness an indication of depression? I rather doubt it. I just don’t know what to call it.
My course of action? I am working harder on being more deliberate in all situations. I’m reminding myself to heed what my gut feelings are trying to tell me. I’m also reminding myself daily that Rome wasn’t built in one day.
If you have an inclination to answer the questions I’ve put out in this post, the comment section is right below.
There are times in everyone’s life when something constructive is born out of adversity … when things seem so bad that you’ve got to grab your fate by the shoulders and shake it. – Anonymous