Adversity Everywhere

Image provided by Esa Pitkänen https://www.flickr.com/photos/esaskar/
Image provided by Esa Pitkanen
https://www.flickr.com/photos/esaskar/

 

I’ve been bombarded with adversity lately. No matter what I do, how I do it, or when I do it, I’m confronted with a wall of stones, debris, and sticky stuff I can only describe as tar. I’m stuck into the revolving door of tribulation. I’m certain I’ve not the only one going through something like this; there must be thousands feeling the anguish and torment of defeat and oppression over and over again.

Has there ever been a time in your life when you find yourself reluctant to get out of bed in the morning? I’m not referring to those off days when something is planned where you don’t want to participate. For instance, I have a dentist appointment coming up. I hate the dentist visits. I’m sure I won’t want to get out of bed that day. But getting back to this question, I’m talking about those large chunks of time, weeks or months, when you wake up wishing you were still in that state of nothingness or dreams so that you would have to face the day, no matter how positive it may prove to be.

I’m pretty sure a doctor would say this is a sign of some form of clinical depression. However, I’m not the depressing type. Really! I’m the one who sees a problem and wants to correct it, rectify it, fix it, whatever it takes so I can get on with my life. Wallowing isn’t my thing.

If you have gone through this type of gloom, do you have any idea as to when it started, when that one small incident happened that was the flake of snow that turned into a humongous snowball rolling out of control? Do you know what that event was? I believe I know when it happened to me. It was approximately seven years ago, maybe slightly less. I could feel that the situation was wrong. I kept questioning the validness of it in my mind. I hesitated to go along with it.

Obviously, I made a wrong decision. Some may point out I didn’t have any way of knowing what the outcome would be. Okay, I didn’t know for sure. Still, all my intuitive instincts were on alert, and I chose to ignore them.

Some may ask if I was conned into the situation. The person who had proposed the action isn’t a fault. She made sure to tell me she was giving me the suggestion with the understanding that it was my choice to make and whatever I decided would not reflect on our business rapport. When I was introduced to the circumstances I’d be partaking in, my intuition was flapping its arms all over the place, yet I disregarded all the misgivings I was feeling.

Now, that episode has been over for quite some time. It did leave its mark on me though. I became fearful of making decisions. It didn’t happen all at once, mind you. I’d determine a course of action on something and it would turn out different and wrong from what I thought would be. I’d make another choice and it just wouldn’t happen at all.

This cycle of adversity has gone on since that one event. I’m tired.

Is this lack of motivation and confidence, and abundance of weariness an indication of depression? I rather doubt it. I just don’t know what to call it.

My course of action? I am working harder on being more deliberate in all situations. I’m reminding myself to heed what my gut feelings are trying to tell me. I’m also reminding myself daily that Rome wasn’t built in one day.

§

If you have an inclination to answer the questions I’ve put out in this post, the comment section is right below.

There are times in everyone’s life when something constructive is born out of adversity … when things seem so bad that you’ve got to grab your fate by the shoulders and shake it. – Anonymous

 

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16 Replies to “Adversity Everywhere”

  1. My depression began at the end of high school, when a friend and I began to become distant, and I began to remember some parts of my story, like sexual abuse. Today, I’m finding hope in others’ stories and in sharing mine. Thanks for sharing your story! I’m excited to read more of it. 🙂

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    1. Heather, thank you for popping over to read this post. I have GAD(General Anxiety Disorder) and depression is part of the package. Still, I’m on an antidepressant that I feel works well for me. What happened because of the event I discuss here is most likely caused by my disregard for my own wellbeing. I’ve been in this pit before. I can get out with diligence.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You’ve brought me to one of those not-to-decide-is-to-decide moments Glynis. Should I offer a suggestion or not? I’ve given good and bad advice in the past, and I’ve taken both kinds as well. When I make bad decisions, I try to put them in the rear-view mirror quickly. Sometimes, it helps to remember when I’ve made good decisions. Sometime, it helps to tell myself that I will learn from that and move on. The thing to remember is what I said that the start. If you shy away from making a decision, you have decided. Good luck at the dentist, I hate those visits.

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    1. Dan, unless I specify that I’m not interested in suggestions, you’re welcome to give your two cents. Just because we get older, it may not mean we get wiser. Another perspective is usually good to have to stay in the real world.

      Yes, you’re right. Hesitation should be telling me that my answer is probably no to whatever it is. However, I don’t want to get into the habit of saying no every single time I take a little time to decide. Good opportunities are missed that way. I believe in intuition. Some may call it the sixth sense and make it sound mysterious. I believe everyone has this power, although with some it’s undeveloped. I just need to pay more attention to that power within me.

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  3. I have made lots of mistakes, but somehow I figured out how to let go of the guilt. When it ‘flaps its arms at me’, I turn away and move to something else. I don’t know if that helps, Glynis.

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  4. Sorry, Glynis. I have nothing to offer in the way of a resolution. I’ve always closed a door behind me and moved forward. Of course when I was younger, some decisions left me in a quandary. For a time. One the door is slammed, everything is gone. ❤ ❤

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    1. I really wasn’t expecting any fixes for this string of detrimental events I’ve had at late. This was more of a way for me to come up with a resolution of my own by exploring the source(s) of all of it. Climbing out of ‘pits’ is something I’ve done more than once before and will have to do again.

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  5. When I doubt myself, I ask myself if there is anything in my control to change it. If so, I figure out what I can do, and do it. If it is beyond my control then I count it as a lesson and go forward. As far as not wanting to get out of bed, I have that when I’m depressed…..but I get out of bed anyway.

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    1. I handle odd/bad situations the same way, April. I just have felt that way too many are coming at me one after another for the past seven years. I need a break.

      Yes, out of habit I get out of bed no matter what. It’s a good habit to have.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I understand the things coming at you one after the other. It’s like your mind can’t process fast enough. Hang in there…you’ve got this!

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  6. Those days come to me once in a while, when I suddenly wish I just could put a halt to my life and let it happen without bothering too much. I invest so much energy in achieving my goals everyday, I try to make the most of the day, but then suddenly, from time to time, those days come when I just want to dose off and do nothing. I don´t like those days because many questions come to my mind during those days, mainly about my choices, and the things I might be missing, but for some reason, the day after is always much better. And now that I think of, maybe those days help me readjust and re-assess my life and re charge my energies. Maybe those days exist for us to reconsider everything around us, filter what is worthy, and focus on our goals…

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    1. The ones that happen once in a while I can handle. This bout has been a long drawn-out chain of events where even the so-called good days are bombarded with strife. I used to think there was an end so that another string could start. Now, I doubt that is true.

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  7. Over the years, I’ve realized I ruminate too much and that can tend to put the brakes on how I’m able to function. Once I started to catch myself in the act of rumination and consciously re-direct my thoughts, I got better at moving on, but it took time.

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    1. The incident I mention here isn’t one that has haunted me per se. If fact, until I started realizing the snowball effect of negative situations I’m experiencing, it was nicely tucked away in the file in the back of my mind. I had consciously brought it forward to figure out when this chain started. Now that I have formulated a course of action, the past can be left alone again. Writing this entry has helped to put the incident back where it belongs.

      Liked by 1 person

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