Feeling Out Of Place

Feeling Out Of Place
Image provided by Dan Wayland
https://www.flickr.com/photos/dw2/

The assumption of belonging is usually taken for granted. Within your own family, chances, without reservation, are you are a member. When you walk through the front door of a home belonging to a relative, there’s usually a happy greeting and you’re offered a place to sit and told to make yourself comfortable. Often this happens with friends and colleagues too, but sometimes under limited circumstances.

All the same, some people don’t acquire that affectionate bond with such simplicity. Is it because these people have introverted personalities? I would think this is the case with some. With others it could be the possibility of being shunned, either for substantial reasons or circumstances that are exaggerated or fictitious. With still others, though the number may be minuscule in comparison, haven’t had the opportunity to develop these ties due to his or her life situation.

I’m one of those charmed people who live in a state of remoteness for all three reasons I give above. Let me assure you that it isn’t as climatic as Peyton Place or any other soup opera. This is just life as I travel down its path.

Most often it’s the first reason that puts me in these circumstances. Alone doesn’t necessarily mean being lonely. There’s a tranquility I revel in while I’m detached that cannot be obtained when other people are around, even the ones I hold dear to my heart. No one is expecting anything from me. All responsibility is what I choose to take or whatever I put on myself. Yes, I do take on self-induced obligations. I’m particular about some things so I make sure those things are in order.

The third reason I mention (I’ll get to the second one) is associated with my disability. Getting out and around people is extremely difficult in my present surrounding. I don’t have a vehicle to drive. There isn’t a public bus, train, or subway system here. Everyone who might be generous enough to give me a ride doesn’t live near enough so I can just hitch a ride. Outings must always be planned. Living in a small town doesn’t necessarily mean anything is really closer.

The second reason (I told you I’d get to it.) is the one and only that upsets me. Until I moved here, It never even dawned on me that I would ever be rebuffed. I am not without negative qualities. After all, I’ll an imperfect human being. However, any of those qualities that I’ve been aware of or have been informed of are ones I’ve rectified or, have at least alleviated. I’ve made amends whenever it’s been possible. Yes, I am shunned. To my knowledge, whatever has put me in this light is either distorted or fabricated.

Nevertheless, this is, in reality, just one of the bumps in the journey of life. I may wish with my entire soul that it was all different, but it isn’t going to make it so.

I handle this plight the best I can. I concentrate the extreme present moment, not dwelling on anything from the past, no matter how recent, or going into the future, even when it only has to do with tomorrow. Of course, I can’t work this strategy all the time. In many of those instances, I’ve either reflected on times when I lived where I was accepted and dream of the time when I can move to such a place again.

As I stated before, my predicament is not another version of Peyton Place. It’s just life happening with all its good and bad mixed up as usual. I see my solitude as my source of fortitude.

§

How do you deal with your dilemmas that don’t have quick solutions?

“Endurance is one of the most difficult disciplines, but it is to the one who endures that the final victory comes.” Buddha

 

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9 Replies to “Feeling Out Of Place”

  1. I think all introverts understand and can relate to “Alone doesn’t necessarily mean being lonely.” lots of people don’t understand that. I work through the social stuff well enough, but I usually have to force myself to go, reminded by the fact that I usually do enjoy it.

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    1. I envy you. When I was younger, up until my forties, I was like you. Once I got to the gathering of whatever it was, I enjoyed my time interacting. Sadly it doesn’t effect me the same way anymore. I’m pretty sure the fault mostly to me. Am I a snob? I wouldn’t be surprised if someone, anyone said yes. Yet I can’t change this. I’m so uncomfortable in group setting anymore.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I have always wondered why people didn’t just adore me (a bit tongue in cheek here). It always surprises me when they don’t and I always assume the next person will. Ridiculous as it sounds, it keeps me positive.

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    1. I find myself questioning both why someone does like me and why they don’t. I don’t think of myself as being that interesting either way. Reading your comment here, I had to ponder a minute on how all this affects my outlook on life. I don’t think it does change how I respond. I seem to be naturally a positive person. However, this doesn’t mean I ignore the kindness or cruelty people dish out.

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  3. Food for thought, Glynis. Well written and organized post.
    I always liked being alone. I still do and nowadays don’t care if someone likes me or not–mind you, it’s always more uplifting if they do, or at least don’t look at you like you’re too different and don’t fit.
    I believe we grow into ourselves and are always adjusting at least a little here or there because of what is expected of us in life’s situations.
    I enjoy my few friends and like to lunch once in a while but frankly, the bottom line is I prefer solitude. ❤

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    1. “I believe we grow into ourselves and are always adjusting at least a little here or there because of what is expected of us in life’s situations.”

      This is so true, Tess; and how you’ve worded it is marvelous.

      BTW, wonderful to see you back in the blogosphere, if only just momentarily. ❤ ❤

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  4. Another blogger just wrote about how a small town can harbor such rigid mores against newcomers who often do not get to be folded into the community with loving arms. The impression lots of people have about small towns is that everyone is invited in but the reality is that the townfolk can be as narrow minded as any in a large city, as in any crowd of strangers.
    I get much the same reaction from people who misunderstand me and admit that some at least if not most is my fault. I’m also rebuffed often and being thin skinned, it hurts.
    So I write and create art and maintain the few friendships I have.
    I hope you have one close friend, someone who knows your heart and accepts you for who you are. I agree that one’s solitude is a source of fortitude. You are at least trying to make it so.

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