https://www.flickr.com/photos/darwinbell/
A few days ago I woke up with a multitude of health problems. Some were easy fixes. I opened the new bottle of Ibuprofen and swallowed two with water. That took care of the headache and the chronic leg pain for a while so that I could come up with some sort of plan to alleviate what else was wrong.
I’m not used to chronic illness. Most of my life has been spent being healthy despite the disability. That’s always been thought of as a constant annoyance instead of a health issue. Now I’m at that place in life where health problems are becoming more frequent. I can tell you right now, I’m not adjusting well to this.
I had been to the doctor just days before. According to all of the blood tests, I’m in great shape for a disabled person who’s entering senior-hood. So why do I have all of these digestive difficulties? Truth be told, I know what part of the problem is. I’m eating food I’m sure are ones I should avoid. But I love these foods and I used to eat them all the time. I’m older now. I know this, yet I want to eat as if I’m just embarking on adulthood. Yes, I’m foolish. The rest of the tummy issues may subside a little once my body doesn’t have food in it that hates me.
Maybe that’s where this other hate I have inside me is coming from.
Since the middle of July, I’ve been trying to work on my WiP. I let this blog slack a little, hoping to create more time being productive with the hope-to-be novel. I made some progress–for a while. Then I hit a big black wall of hate. I found myself hating all of my characters, settings, and how slow it’s going getting from one part of the story to the next. Yet, at the same time, I was certain that these characters were worth this story I long to write. And I knew the settings were working. All contradictions.
So, what has happened? I have a feeling I’ve gone into self-loathness as a writer–at least as a story-teller. Rationally, I know that many writers go through times like this. In my head, I have to admit that this knowledge does help me feel a little better. However, the emotional side of me still wants to delete all my story ideas, all my character sketches, and anything else I have pertaining to serious writing. It all sucks.
The inspiration and motivation had died somewhere within a four-day span.
I went searching for free writing courses online. Although many of them are what I would consider worthless because they’re so elementary, there are some excellent free ones too–just a few though. I found a new one at Creative Writing Now. I’m in the middle of their one free email course, struggling but learning. Through taking this class, I’ve seen how I’m not paying attention to blogs that have good advice. I had become shallow when reading them because, after a while, they were all hitting me the same way. My reaction: I know this already. Move on.
It’s time to read posts as if I’m a brand new writer and see what knowledge I can scrape up from them. I’ve started a digital journal in my OneNote program for all the notes I’m going to take with a new attitude–okay, hopefully a new attitude.
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There are some blogs that have never hit me as being all that repetitive. I thought it might be good to share them with you.
Blogs that Help Me Write
From WP
Amanda Staley: https://staleybooks.wordpress.com/blog/
Today’s Author: https://todaysauthor.com/
Writerish Ramblings: https://writerishramblings.com/
Sharon Bonin-Pratt’s Ink Flare: https://sharonboninpratt.wordpress.com/
A writer and her adolescent muse: https://awriteradolescentmuse.wordpress.com/
Quintessential Editor: http://quintessentialeditor.com/
WordDreams: https://worddreams.wordpress.com/
Jean’s Writing: https://jeanswriting.com/Out in Cyberspace
Jami Gold: http://jamigold.com/
Fiction University: http://blog.janicehardy.com/
The Writing Practice: http://thewritepractice.com/
Creative Writing Now: http://www.creative-writing-now.com/
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From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate. ~ Socrates
A Scripted Maze 
Hate is a powerful emotion. I would do whatever it takes to move on from that. However, if you still hate your characters, it might be good to take some notes as to what it is you hate about them. That might come in handy once you love them again and are rolling along. You know, we’re going to want some conflict in that book you’re writing 🙂
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My characters are a little two dimensional right now. They need that third aspect. Anyway, that’s one of the skills I’m working on. Hate is an okay word as long as you know what to do with it.
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I went through a come-to-Jesus moment with food, too, in my battle against RA and migraines. I’ve been at it about 20 years, sure that controlling my food intake would help my problems. Well, it does to a point but what’s really happened is I’ve lost a lot of interest in food. I eat it as fuel, not enjoyment. I’ve beat that out of myself as part of my effort to control the perceived or real results of eating.
Sigh. I’d still love a rich chocolate candy bar.
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Way far back when I was pregnant with my son, I experienced “fake labor” in my back. The doctor told me that it was probably my gall bladder and chances were I’d have to have it removed. He also said I could put that off by not eating peanuts or peanut butter, which is what I was eating shortly before the pain started. That was 40 years ago and still have the gall bladder. I have had peanuts and peanut butter but in very low quantities. For instance, a Snickers candy bar only has about eight peanuts in it. My husband bought some protein bars that has crunchy peanut butter and dark chocolate. I couldn’t resist and had one. That was five days ago though and my digestive system is still going haywire. Hopefully once the peanut butter is completely out of my system I’ll be okay again.
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BTW, thanks for adding my book to your sidebar. It looks great!
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Glynis, first, I’m honored to be on your list.
But to get to your problem. Please do not delete your WIP. Just put it aside for a while.
Concentrate on the course you found and see if you can apply what you’re learning to what you’re writing.
Do you belong to a writer’s critique group? I find mine stimulating and supportive. Getting instant feedback is useful, even if it’s info about someone else’s work.
And last: do you take probiotic supplements? They might settle your stomach and let you focus on your writing without being distracted by pain.
You know I wish you a way forward. Write me if you want.
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#1: I put you on the list because many times when you have written I am either getting motivation from you or the information is helpful to me. I have no idea if you affect others the same way, but chances are you do.
#2: No, I won’t throw my WiP away. If I was writing on paper, yeah, I probably would toss it in the waste paper basket but pull it back out and smooth the creases. As it’s digital, I slammed it into a folder within a folder so it feels gone.
#3: I tried to belong to an online writing critique group but they wouldn’t let me stay unless I contributed my work, which I wasn’t ready to do yet. I left.
#4: Yogurt has the probiotic stuff in it and I eat yogurt every day. I think I just need to leave the peanuts and peanut butter alone completely, and not even have the small amounts in snack bars. I do have a weak gall bladder so it may be time for it to be done away with, although I really hate the thought of going under the knife.
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It sounds like you have a solid strategy for dealing with your issues, It’s hard to see sharp edges when so much is going on and pulling you in so many directions – everything starts looking the same shade of fuzzy. That’s what I had going on last month and it took a whole lot of activity to get me over my slump. (Still not where I want to be, but a whole lot better.)
I dislike surgery also and know little about gall bladder problems, but if that’s what you need to feel well, then maybe you should consider it. I’m guessing you’ve tried other, less invasive solutions.
I wish you good health, Glynis, and writing progress.
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I know firsthand what it’s like to not feel well and not like the solution. i wish you well. I’ve never tried to write a novel, so have no idea how to help you. The pieces I write are brief and varied. So if I start to hate one, i just put it away for a while and go on to another — something that can’t be as easily done with a novel. Again, I wish you well. You seem so determined that I’m sure, given time, you will work your way to a better place.
PS The quote from Socrates is powerful. Thanks for sharing it.
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As the days of summer drag by, my digestive issues have lessened. Whether they actually vanish still is a question without an answer. Nevertheless, the writing sessions have gotten longer. I’m thinking of resorting to writing affirmations and reminders for myself and tape them to the walls around my desk. The reminders would be about realizing this WiP IS just a first draft and that I can be imperfect and go off track if I so desire. 😛
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I hope you’re better by now, Glynis, my best thoughts to your health & happiness. Thank you for writing so honestly – we all can learn from each other’s difficult moments.
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Thank you for visiting, Daal. I am doing a little better now that I’ve limited my diet. And, of course, because I don’t have as many health issues gnawing at me, my writing is a little better too.
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The pleasure of finding your site is mine. Am so glad you’re better. The mind & body are so interconnected.
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