Assails

Assails
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It’s three days until New Year’s Day. Have any of you made a list of resolutions to work on during the coming months? I’ve never been one to make such a foolish list because, for me, it would jinxes anything I want to accomplish. Yes, I’m one of those who firmly believe in hexes, especially the ones I seem to put on myself.

This last year has been sorely disappointing for any advancement in my writing. I had such high hopes for this past year. I had been so certain I could get that first draft done and get, at least, halfway through the second one. As it was, I barely made it to the beginning of the middle of the first one before finding myself beating my head against a formidable wall of indecision,anxiety, and apprehension. Only through great stubbornness have I sat at this desk to try to go on every day.

My health problems these last ten months just added to the mental torture I insisted on flinging upon myself. Who would have thought as a scantily senior, I’d begin to suffer with the digestive problems my mother didn’t have until her late eighties? All I can do is be prepared to cope with them, which, I’m finding, isn’t any small matter. One thing is for sure. It wants to cut into my writing time.

At any given time over the past twelve months, I could have taken a break. I could have concentrated on the house, my relationships with ones I love, made more of an effort to make friends with the outside kitties, anything but keep on struggling at the WiP. My health might have improved, or, at least, learned more ways of how to cope with it better.

I tried conversing with other writers about these disputes I’ve been having with my WiP. All had excellent suggestions and advice. Somehow, though, nothing they were offering to me seem to fit with the tribulations glaring at me from the screen. I even tried taking bits and piece of what I was given, trying to weave a cure for the multiple dilemmas I saw before me.

You’d think I’d give up, right? I just couldn’t, still can’t. I’m obsessed, possessed, bewitched. What gets me is that it’s all a self-made plight. Maybe I need some time in a loony bin.

I’m hoping this next year will be more amicable. I’m still fixated on writing every single day. However, I’m becoming rather jaded with this WiP that’s been brutalizing me for months. Slivers of other stories are dancing in my head, sometimes calling to me in a sing-song voice.

No resolutions though. I stay firm on my belief of ill winds.

§

“Writing is really just a matter of writing a lot, writing consistently and having faith that you’ll continue to get better and better. Sometimes, people think that if they don’t display great talent and have some success right away, they won’t succeed. But writing is about struggling through and learning and finding out what it is about writing itself that you really love.” ― Laura Kasischke

 

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8 Replies to “Assails”

  1. Glynis, I’ve been following your struggles with writing. I still believe in you though maybe not in your timeline. My first adult book took more than three years to complete the first draft and then three more years to fine tune it. Eventually I discarded it. My experience can’t be anyone else’s but I still believe in myself as a writer. Your frustration is not failure, it’s just process. Keep working through the process no matter the roadblocks. Be gentle with schedules and vigilant with effort. May you have success in seeing yourself as a writer in 2017 and pride in your achievements.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m hoping this shelving of this wretched project will give me the distance I need to see what I used to see in the story and then get on with it. In the meantime, I’m starting another one. I’m purposely moving slowly through the preparations [worksheets] so that when I do start the actual writing I’ll feel as though I’m retelling the story. Maybe it will stop the feeling of being overwhelmed before it even starts. In the past when I’ve tried this approach I don’t think I took it far enough, leaving gaps as big as canyons in my story and, therefore, causing me great anxiety.

      Shari, thank you so much for your support. Knowing you’re only an email away helps tremendously. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I am glad you chose to share your challenges with us in 2016. I applaud (what appears to be) the ease with which you describe your plans, ideas, considerations and the various degrees of success. Through all you’ve written, I see progress. Maybe it’s not measurable in page-count, but it seems to me that you are emerging from 2016 as a stronger and more certain writer.

    In any case, I wish you good luck, better health and all good things in 2017.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Jacqui, usually finding someone whose progress at anything is like my own doesn’t do much for me. However, reading your comment here, I must admit, has given me inspiration. Yes, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one moving slow. 🙂

      Like

  3. I used to do resolutions a couple of years ago. The last years I haven’t, and I think they have been better years in general. So, I totally support your decision of not making these lists.
    I’ve also been kind of distracted with my the new job. I fought a lot for my new job, because I knew that if I was going to be working while writing, at least it had to be an awesome job, which it is, but I’m struggling to find time for my writing. I guess my only resolution for next year is to re-take my writing, finish editing my manuscript and start other writing projects. It is not easy, but I certainly hope 2017 will be our writing year 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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