#thepersonalside: Giving Up the Things I Love

#thepersonalside: Giving Up the Things I Love
image by Hanne @ https://www.flickr.com/photos/hanneug/

As a child, I did not ponder on what I loved or did not love. Chances were I was much better off that way because what did I know about anything back then anyway? So many concepts were brand new to me and I had nothing to compare them to.

It is easy to love or not love people. The more one frowns at you, the more likely you are to disregard them. The more they smile and say pleasant things to you, the likelier you are to give them your attention.

I learned, as I matured, to distinguish my emotions about people and things more explicitly, making a multitude of categories on the positive and negative side of my impressions of them. The word, love, became reserved for only those special items, pets, and human beings.

My appreciation for things [not people] changed, sometimes, on a daily basis. There are times when this still occurs, which makes me question how flighty I am at times. I will proclaim I love the color, blue, yet the next day I will change my mind saying green is better.

I had heard it said we are inclined to change our minds with our moods. To a certain degree, I am given to believe this. Although when it comes to food and where I live, I hold on fast.

I can say for certain I do not, in any way, shape, or form like living where I am right now. I do not feel comfortable here. My ways, my personal culture, is just not the same as those around me. Or maybe it is the way my mind is wired to arrive at conclusions. I am positive I would be happier north or west. Yet, here is where I reside and I will not be leaving anytime soon.

I am sure I love coffee. It was a craving when I was pregnant with my son and I still want it. Yet, my body has decided I cannot tolerate it anymore. I even tried adding creamer to soften the effect of it on my system but my insides let me know the trick was not going to work. It was not the caffeine or the acid either. I have switched to tea, which I am having to acquire a taste for in order to get that caffeine that gets me going in the morning. The acid in it is not effecting my system one bit.

Envisioning myself living just a stroll away from a beach or living in a community more suited to my personality used to be my number one daydream. I would sit out under the eaves of the car port gazing out at the activity on my street thinking of how marvelous it would be not to be where I am. My hatred for the surroundings I live in and my desire for other residences were beginning to eat at me.

A similar thing happened with the coffee. Determined, I poured coffee into my mug every morning enjoying the nutty warm flavor, knowing it would be gnawing at my gut later on. I refused to let it make a difference. After reading so many articles on the benefits of coffee, it was near to impossible for me to conceive the notion it was doing me harm. It had to get to the point where fear griped me about what would happen later that day to get me to stop filling the coffee maker with scoops of the processed cocoa beans.

Slowly and painfully I let these things I love leave me and go into the great beyond–well, figuratively anyway. Husband still has coffee every morning using one of those one mug coffee makers. I am using the bigger coffee maker for hot water. The dream of moving still exists in me but I do not allow it audience nearly as often. I am learning to deal with and live in the here and now.

Have you given up something you love? If so, how much of a struggle was it?

โ€œIncredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.โ€ โ€• Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

 

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33 Replies to “#thepersonalside: Giving Up the Things I Love”

  1. As I age, there are more things I have to give up. I love hiking, but my body won’t let me do as much as I use to. I use to drink sodas, but it affects my health badly and I gave it up. The list seems to get longer each time. I try to follow my father’s advice when quit smoking when he sad, “I didn’t quit smoking, I became a non-smoker.” It wasn’t as easy as this, but when I stopped drinking sodas, I embraced a love of herb teas. But not everything is that easy is it?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The aging process of our bodies forces us to make decisions we probably should have made decades ago. Giving up smoking ended up being easier than I thought it would be. I was never one for all that carbonated water anyway, so sodas have never been a problem. I do want that caffeine but, luckily, green tea has that.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I have so many foods I can’t eat (because of headaches) that I lose track. I wrote them down, often including things I love. Coffee was on it for a long while. Chocolate is forever on it. Many fruits, some veges, gluten, milk, milk products. But, I hate routine so much I will regularly test whether these foods still give me headaches. Resulting in nasty headaches for 1-4 days. You think that convinces me to believe my list? No. A few weeks and I’m testing again.

    Sigh.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I had not connected coffee or chocolate to headaches because the caffeine [which is in coffee and chocolate] in aspirin is one of the ingredients that helps with headaches for most people. My body does not seem to fare as well with some fruits now. I stick pretty much to berries now. For me, the culprit is probably aging. There is not much I can do about that. :/

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    2. I like the way you think. Always testing the limits, and you should. Maybe one day you’d find that your body has begun to embrace something it once forbade. I believe that can happen. Knowing the usual outcome also prepares you for the backlash, but you still try.
      You can never give up. I think as long as you can control the backlash, keep testing.
      It seems coffee came off the list, did it?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, Madam Ova, coffee was dropped off the list of my beverages. I miss the aroma and taste but my body is a little happier without it.

        What would life be without the challenges? In my estimation, it would be unbearably boring.

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  3. I’ve always been a person of moderation, and I’ve not changed my diet too much since my cancer diagnosis. I eat well most of the time and relish the occasional gluttonous treat. I’m working on making juicing and kale a daily habit, so that’s a big plus. However, I am a HUGE red wine lover. I’ve wisely laid off the sauce while on chemo, but there is a ton of research that links alcohol to breast cancer. There’s also a lot of conflicting information as well. I’m seeing a new oncologist tomorrow (a female one) because me and the almighty male one came to blows last week. I’ll surely make the right decision in time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I had heard, more than a few times, that a glass of red wine each day is good for the body. To tell you the truth, I do not see how alcohol can cause cancer. In the right doses, it takes infection away.

      I hope all goes well with your new doctor.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. What a thought-provoking post, Glynis. As you and others who commented have noted, aging forces change, and for me, giving up running was a heartbreak. I had done it so long and loved the private challenge of my early morning runs while the rest of the world slept. the truth is, I insisted on running way too long and should have slowed to a walk sooner in the interest of my body. Too late smart. And sugary treats. I haven’t given them up entirely, but have cut way back, again, for my health. I miss the days when I indulged without a second thought.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I have had to give us some things I love out of necessity and it isn’t easy. My therapist always tells me to replace whatever it is with something else I can find pleasure. I know exactly how you feel about where you live. I don’t belong here either. A square peg in a round hole. I do find the area beautiful in its own unique way but the community just isn’t for me. It’s not that I think they are thinking I’m different, therefore they don’t like me, I just don’t have much in common with the people I come in contact with. Missouri? The place my husband wants to retire? Ugh. I hate that even more but I guess after all these years of him working so hard for our family, he deserves to choose where he feels comfortable. I suppose he feels best there because we will be living in the house his dad built. It makes him feel close to his dad.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am hoping the next place we live is west of the Mississippi. We are here because he feels his mother needs him close. This could be true, although I do not know for sure. He has lived in Texas before so it is a possibility for the future. Although Texas is another southern state, it is also a western one. I have known people from Texas and have found it incredibly easy to be around them. I can only guess that there is not that much of a cultural difference.

      I have known people from Missouri too. Although not like westerners, they are easy to get along with.

      Liked by 1 person

        1. ๐Ÿ˜ I agree with you.
          Many think they are God’s gift to the world just for breathing.
          I also think it depends on where you go. When it comes to stuck up, I would say a definite yes for Dallas. Houston is much more friendly (except the Woodlands) and Austin has no restrictions on love.
          Keep in mind that this is just a generalization.

          My knowledge is based on my experience living in Texas for 19 years ( I still live here).
          I don’t think you’d easily find a place more friendly than Houston and Austin. I can’t speak of other cities because I haven’t experienced them.
          I’ve lived in Austin and loved it. I live in Houston and love it. My business for a few years involved meeting many kinds of people visiting or relocating to Houston or Austin from everywhere around the world. Truth be told, they almost always said that the people are so friendly.
          The few people that had a different experience did because they were misled to buy homes in the Woodlands where most people are full of themselves.
          The Woodlands is a suburb of Houston. Very beautiful.
          Now I can’t speak for other cities because I know Texas – proceed with caution. But I’ve told you about the 3 largest cities in Texas.
          This is my perception, but I understand that your experience may be different.
          If you choose to come to Texas, please visit Austin first, I promise you’ll love it.
          And rent first. This would allow you see around before deciding where, and if to buy.

          Liked by 2 people

          1. Actually, we are thinking about San Angelo because my husband is retired Air Force but we would prefer to stay out of a giant-size city. With a base there, we will have access to a clinic and groceries at a lower cost.

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          2. My son recently visited Austin and enjoyed it.The only place in Texas I’m familiar with is Amarillo. We hail from Seattle and the weather in Texas seems brutal, in our imagination. My experiences have mostly been with people from Texas. They’re nice to your face but brutal behind your back. Facebook can be a window to the minds of people and I think they forget it.

            Liked by 1 person

  6. I think many people encounter body rebellion as they age. Think about the extraordinary energy of teenagers and the weariness of those of us who are older. I enjoy coffee but could give it up if I had to. What surprised me was the sensitivity I developed about six years ago to spices like chili peppers. I can’t tolerate the heat any longer and at restaurants have often offered my son my meal when what was supposed to be mildly spicy leaves my tongue and mouth in pain for 10 – 15 minutes.

    More than that is having to give up some relationships. I won’t discuss everything that’s happened on your blog, but one I will talk about is this: I had a very close friendship with a woman for many years. We confided everything in each other. Or so I thought Until I found out she’d used our friendship to cover an affair she was having with a married mutual friend. Because everyone in our “group” knew about the affair but me, I also got tarnished with the brush they used to black out my two friends. Even then I stuck by my friend until I finally realized that every word out of her mouth was a lie, to me, about me, about everyone else. I still think of her but I can’t be friends with someone who abused me.

    Maybe some relationships are habitual to the degree that we are blinded by their surface sparkle to the point that we can’t see the rust inside. If coffee makes you too ill to enjoy, then you can only miss what used to be a fun drink for you, not what you get stuck with now. Have you tried any of the substitutes?

    More, I sense the very real distress about where you’re living. That’s not something easily remedied. Have you tried to find any social group that meets your needs? There have to be some folks who share your interests and views. Maybe classes in an activity you always wanted to explore, maybe hanging out at a park, or volunteering at a senior center. There has to be something to engage you and make you feel worthy and respected.

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    1. The green tea gives me the caffeine I cannot seem to do without. With all the different flavors of green tea that are out now, I am finding the ones I enjoy. So far, the mint is my favorite.

      I am sure I could find some people I felt comfortable with if I had my own transportation.As things are though, we only have the one car and it is a standard transmission. With my disability, there is not anyway I can drive it. There is not a city bus line here and the two taxi services never seem to be answering their phones. I am stuck at home. I do not think I would be sane without the internet.

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  7. Sometimes it can be challenging leaving the things we’ve known behind. In some cases, it is necessary for upward movement, that doesn’t mean the pain goes away quickly.
    I hope you do find something you like about where you live. It can be difficult living in a place you don’t really like.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I do not think this part of the US will ever be comfortable for me. I will endure it though because I am in a wonderful marriage that I refuse to leave. Husband and I talk often about moving eventually, which does keep my spirits up. However, as long as his mother needs him close, we are stuck.

      Liked by 1 person

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