How hard (or easy) do you make it for other people to help you? Do your friends and family know when you do (or don’t) want (or need) help? Are you too independent (or too needy)? How much do you project your own attitudes towards asking and receiving help onto the people closest to you? ~ The Journal
These questions can get quite intricate with some people. And the rationale for each of those people may be different. I am one of those “some people”.
When it comes to my disability, I assume most people can visually see when I need help. I mean, I have one arm and hand that have negligible use in my daily life. I have one leg and foot that are impaired to the point where I use a cane when I am out and about. Few people pay enough attention to see when I am faltering. Their minds are on their own business, after all. I flinch when I know I am going to have to ask for assistance. Eventually, I do bite the bullet and make the request but I feel remorse every time I have to ask. Friends and family tell me I should not feel this way, and, yes, they are right. Still, that feeling of self-reproach comes over me. I wonder what I am taking the person from in order to help me. Could it have been something crucial? Also, I ask myself why I do not try a little harder to help myself. Maybe I am not patient enough with whatever I am trying to do.
I am this way with my writing too.
I know I need help with some of my writing. Maybe I need help with all of it and am just deluding myself. Whatever the case, I usually flee from help, suggestions, and advice. That is unless I come across the material on my own. The avoidance is all because I feel I should know more about the field but fall way short due to not paying close enough attention in school. My English class came easily to me so I never did put the effort in that would have launched an early career as a writer. As long as I was getting A’s, I did not give it a second thought. Now that I want to embark onto this field as a senior citizen, I am facing numerous struggles I should have taken care of long ago. Asking for help is my only way of getting the information I need but I feel the grip of shame every time I request assistance.
Is it obvious to you that I am an independent soul? Much of it is adhered to my basic personality. However, some of my self-sufficiency is due to how I was raised. Neither of my parents sat with me while I did my homework. As far as they were concerned, it was my homework so my responsibility. I agreed with them and still do to this day. The chores I had were strictly mine. It was my room so it was my responsibility to keep it clean. I used the bathroom as much as anyone else in the family so I should willingly take my turn to clean it. There were other chores too and they were mine with the same logic behind them.
Asking for help and receiving it without a red face is usually a bitter pill for me to swallow. Nevertheless, I do it when required so I can learn what I need to know.
“The barrier during self-improvement is not so much that we hate learning, rather we hate being taught. To learn entails that the knowledge was achieved on one’s own accord – it feels great – but to be taught often leaves a feeling of inferiority. Thus it takes a bit of determination and a lot of humility in order for one to fully develop.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy