It was a week and a half ago that I opened my email inbox and clicked on the link to a post at Nilichoanika’s blog, My writing space. I had written about my writing spot in the past, so was curious to find out how hers was laid out. As I read her words, I realized her post was looking at a different perspective of the physical area where she chose to write. Her words touched on the influence surroundings can have on the process of composing.
Her post unveiled thoughts in me I had been fending off for quite some time now. They are fears I have buried under mounds of senseless scribbles in hopes of making those doubts die. All have to do with not thinking my writing is good enough.
I was writing in conversational English, using the apostrophe so often, I wonder now if anyone was getting distracted by those little guys. I have altered my style to avoid the apostrophe as much as I can without coming across as fraudulent and/or rhetorical. In other words, it is still the conversational stuff but I have changed how it reads, at least a little. Whether these changes have done any good still remains to be discovered. I know I am still not enjoying my time at the keyboard when trying to progress at my WiP. Still, the words seem to be coming a fraction quicker when I type an entry for my blog posts.
Did this alleviate the skepticism in me? No, not really. Most things I have succeeded at have come about because my brain makes a beeline for the finish line. Even when I played the flute, the goal was to get to the end of the piece without making a mistake and at the right tempo. Obviously, I relied a little more on the mechanics of music instead of the passion. Believe it or not, it served me well too. I obtained 1st chair, second flute in an all-city band and won numerous first places in music contests playing solos. However, I am finding this method does not work as well with the writing craft.
So much of the satisfaction in writing has nothing much to do with the end product. More of the gratification comes during the process of the craft.
I need to find a way to adapt my feelings of jubilance into the journey and put aside any thoughts about the conclusion of my WiP. This is not an easy task for me seeing I have used the former method for decades. I have decided that I am going to have to make myself a poster that says:
It’s all in the journey.
I will hang it on the wall above the shelf that sits just inched up from my PC monitor. That way I will see it every time I approach my desk.
Are you questioning how this is going to help the doubter in me? I am thinking it will help me see that the process of writing is never sure. I have to learn to accept that and open up more to the possibilities and freedom it could bring to me.
What do you do to put the contentment of writing into you?