I guess I’m not paying adequate attention to the impression I throw out to people. I’m not sure when the inappropriate signals started spurting out from me though. It might have begun over twenty-five years ago. Or it could have been as little as eight years ago. One thing is for sure though. I’ve gotten to the point where I try to avoid as much face-to-face time with all as much as I possibly can.
And what are these wrong vibes?
Somehow, most people are thinking than I don’t know very much at all. They are assuming they know more than me and better than me about almost any subject, even the ones that are dearest to me. They surmise that my knowledge is outdated, faulty, or doesn’t apply to the situation. And they do all of this without asking me a single question or listening to what I have to say on the subject in its entirety. They make their assessment on limited information that may not be right and without any regard for what I may know.
I’m absolutely sure there are people out there, somewhere on this planet, who will respect me enough to hear me out to the end. However, I don’t seem to attract those type of people, at least not away from the internet. Instead, I seem to be drawing in a fair number of people who are self-serving, some to the point of being narcissistic.
I try, tactfully, to be assertive, only find myself in a yelling match with these people. I try just keeping my mouth shut, but then they wonder why I haven’t said anything in reply to whatever they are saying. I try agreeing with them as much as I can without feeling like a total sham, but that’s hard on me. I eventually have to just walk away because of psychosomatic issues like a headache or stomach ache.
I’m one of those who has a terrible time telling lies. I can do it, but expect me to recount it with the truth, probably sooner than later. Being a phony with people doesn’t work well with me. Fear of being found out dwells deep within me at first and, eventually, takes over everything. Only spilling out the truth sets me free.
I’m perplexed as to why these people think they can be allowed to have such control over me. I question why they think whatever they say is more valid than what I say. I wonder why they must put contrary statements into the middle of my part of the conversation.
Although I can’t say I don’t mind being wrong about something, if I am wrong, I certainly want to be corrected so I can be right from there on forward. However, I’m hurt and exasperated when I’m certain I have my facts straight and these people automatically presume I’m wrong without hearing me out.
Do they believe I’m wrong because I’m disabled? Does my inability to walk like everyone else and use my right arm like everyone else predispose my capabilities to not have the right information? Or is it that I’m a threat to them in some way, and they have a dire need to have control over whatever is frightening them about me?
I assure you, if I could find more people to have face-to-face time with who would give me the respect I believe I deserve, I’d be spending a lot of time with them and enjoying their company.
Is there a way I can send different vibes out? Would I have to put on a different attitude that I’m not used to having? And if it is a different attitude that would do the job, what is that attitude?
As my life is though, I will continue to sidestep these encounters as often as I can. Of course, because life is what it is, I can’t avoid these people all together. It’s a crying shame too.
Do you have people in your life who are like this?